CHAPTER ONE: ANTWERP

Friday, May 10, 1940

Usually, I'd wake up as soon as daylight started to show through the slits of the curtains in the bedroom window. The house would be silent except for the gentle snoring of "Maman" and "Papa" next door. I would climb out of my crib and shuffle quietly on to the floor where I would start playing with my toy animals. Eventually, someone would come and pick me up, and kiss me good morning, and take me to my special chair in the kitchen where I would be served my breakfast: caf� au lait - mostly milk with a few drops of coffee - and a slice of buttered bread richly covered with mashed banana topped with chocolate shavings.

This morning though, everything was different. It was far from silent to start with. Instead, I was woken up by loud noises which I was unable to identify. They were not the beloved clanging of the brewer's enormous horse as he went by to make his daily deliveries, nor was it the street car as it came screeching around the corner. It sounded more like the fireworks which I had seen and heard one evening at the park: long and drawn out whistling noises that would end up in frightening bangs and whizzes, shattering the black skies with showers of multi-coloured stars.

But it was now the morning, not the evening, so it couldn't be that. And furthermore, something else that was different was to see Papa at the window, awake before me and fully dressed, except for his tie. I watched him through the wooden bars of my crib, wondering why he was gluing ribbons of brown paper to the window pane. He had not shaved yet, and his face had a worried frown.

I observed intently everything that he did while trying to understand what was going on. He would unroll a strip of paper and apply it against the window pane in order to measure the length that he wanted. Then, he would rip it in a swift motion from the roll and hold it with one hand. With his other hand, he would pick up a sponge which was having a bath in a bowl of water, squeeze it and let the drops fall back into the bowl, and then run it along the shiny side of the paper while holding it up against the glass. He would put the sponge back in its bath, pick up the paper with both hands, turn it over and press the wet side across the pane. Then, he would smoothly slide his hands along it. Sometimes he would lay it from top to bottom, sometimes from side to side, or at an angle from the upper corner on one side to the lower corner on the other. The whole window looked like a picture of clouds that was being crisscrossed by roads. I thought that it would be fun to do, and I wondered if he would allow me to help him.

"Why are you putting sticky paper to the window?" I finally asked him.

"Good morning," he answered, looking down at me with what was meant to be a reassuring smile, although I sensed that something was wrong. I don't know why, but I just knew. I had never seen him like that. He seemed to be scared and therefore I began to be scared. 'I was wondering how long you'd sleep through the racket,' he added. 'And in answer to your question, I'm doing this to prevent the window from breaking in case something should explode nearby.'

" What is the noise?"

"It is bombs exploding, and cannons shooting back at the planes who are dropping them, but don't worry, everything will be alright."

I wasn't very reassured, but since I trusted him implicitly, I felt somewhat better at his words. "What are "bombs"? Why are planes dropping bombs?"

"It is that horrible Hitler who is attacking us, but we won't let him come in."

I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. My heart was beating fast and I knew that I was going to throw up. A warm liquid trickled between my legs, and I realized that I had wet my bed which was something I had not done since I was a baby: I was now completely terrified. It was all my fault! I should have eaten all my supper last night! But how could I have known that this time it would be as Maman had warned me. "If you don't eat all your supper," she had said, shaking her forefinger to emphasize her admonition, "Hitler is going to come and get you!" I had no idea who or what Hitler was, but my imagination was sufficient to create the most frightening picture possible, something that would look like a cross between the evil witch and the cackling crows in the only movie I had ever seen, Snow White and the Seven Dwarves; or the slobbering monsters that lurked occasionally in the dark recesses of the hallway, or behind the curtains when the wind was blowing through the open windows.

She had warned me time and again, and even though I half believed her, I had this devil in me which delighted in refusing to eat whenever she pushed me, even if I liked the food, even when it was not spinach or some other mashed and very suspect vegetable. Mind you, it was great for playing with: it would take on many shapes as I pushed and prodded it with my fork. But then she insisted that I eat what I had so carefully molded into something alive, something deliciously disgusting. And the more she urged me to finish everything on my plate, the more stubborn I became in refusing, in spite of her unspecified warnings about that Hitler. And I had gotten away with it -- until now.

What was going to happen to me? Would she reveal to anyone that I had not finished my supper last night? Or would she keep it a secret if I promised to eat everything that was served to me from now on, even spinach? I promptly threw up as these thoughts were rushing through my mind.

Maman appeared at the door with a worried look at Papa's calling. She picked me up, and started to clean up the mess which I had made in a matter of a few seconds. But nothing was mentioned about my not finishing my supper last night. Maybe they forgot, and maybe, if I said nothing, no one would ever know that it was my fault that Hitler was now letting loose his thundering bombs all around us.

The day passed quickly, in spite of the ratatat and the booms that seemed to be continuing without any respite. Many people dropped in at the house, and they all looked perturbed and spoke in uneasy voices. No one forced me to eat anything I did not want, and Maman was even surprised that I finished everything she had put on my plate. "He seems alright now," she said to Papa who seemed to be worried about something else entirely. "It must have been an upset stomach, and all the excitement I guess...."

That evening, I was kept awake for a long time as I watched, fascinated, through the parts of the glass that were not taped up, the magnificent fireworks of bullets and bombs light up the sky with their eerie patterns. The now familiar fracas that punctuated the spectacle became less frightening that night, as I got used to the shuddering of the apartment.

Next morning a truck stopped at the door and we climbed in the back of it. There were a few grownups seated along each side of it, as well as some older children. How exciting this all was! It looked like we were at the start of a real adventure, something that was much more interesting than the daily walk to the park to throw bread at the ducks on the lake. I had even been allowed to take my very own suitcase which I had received as a gift not long ago. It was at last being put to use!

I loved that little brown cardboard case with all the rivets and the triangular metal reinforcements in all the corners. It had shiny fasteners that would click open with a delightful snap when you pushed the buttons at the front. I had packed it tightly with my teddy bear, a few sheets of paper, a small lump of plasticine, two of my favourite miniature animals - the lion and the giraffe - and a few colouring pencils. I held on firmly to the handle as I was picked up and seated on the comfortable lap of an older girl, while Papa helped Maman to get in with her own luggage. Her bags looked huge to me, even though Papa had told her many times that we were allowed to take only the strict minimum. "Stick to the essentials," he had admonished her, "we may have to move fast and we do not know for how long. We can't afford to be loaded up with all sorts of junk." All he had taken was what I was sure was his most precious possession: his bicycle. I heard a few people grumble about the space that it would take up, but no one objected too much about it.

The truck started to move and I was enthralled by my first experience of riding on such a fascinating vehicle. Until this moment I had only seen them on the streets, and I had a toy truck with which I transported all the goods that I had to deliver all across the city, but what a thrill it was to be riding on a real one, even though it was only in the back rather than in the cabin.

There was a lot of honking and a lot of stops and starts during which everyone had to hold on to something not to fall. The grownups were good humoured about it but I heard a few of them wishing that they could be out of the city where, they were sure, we would be making more headway. I was not sure what that meant, but I agreed with them silently, curious to know what it would be like to be "out of the city."

At one of the stops, I was pleased to see "Bonne-maman" and "Bon-papa" being helped onto the truck, followed by my aunt Alice, and my older cousin Maurice, and then my uncle Sam loaded up with many suitcases. Someone spat out a word which I am not allowed to utter, and in a loud rough voice declared how unfair it was that some people were taking on more luggage than had been agreed on, making it unbelievably cramped for everyone. Uncle Sam, also using some of the words which I had been strictly forbidden to use, answered him even more loudly that since he was paying the lion's share of the expenses, he could do as he pleased, and if anyone did not like it they could get off right then and there. There was a tense silent after that exchange until the truck started to move on.

As soon as Bonne-maman had settled, I wiggled off the lap I was on and made my way towards her where I settled comfortably against her ample bosom, puzzling over what was meant by the "lion's share". I knew that uncle Sam was my rich uncle, but I had never seen any lions around his house, except maybe some crystal ones that we children were not allowed to play with. Maurice came over and I showed him my suitcase. He was my favourite cousin because he always made me laugh. He started to make funny faces, and I giggled and tried to imitate him. After a while he went over to show his faces to a little girl that I did not know.

The droning grown-up talk and the uneven motion of the truck made me feel drowsy. Making sure that no one was paying attention to me in the dark corner where we were seated, I stuck my thumb in my mouth and closed my eyes for a little rest. Just for a few minutes, as I did not wish to miss anything that might be going on.

When I opened my eyes again, Bonne-maman told me that I had slept for a very long time, and that we were not far from the seashore. I was hungry and told her so, and in no time at all she dug in a paper bag and came out with a cheese sandwich and an apple on which I started to munch, until someone gave me a cookie, at which point I switched my attention to this much more interesting delight.

As I was eating, I looked towards the back and saw that the highway behind us was jammed with other cars, trucks, and lots of people walking on the side of the road. They all carried some bag, or bundle, or suitcase, and occasionally a child piggyback, the way I was sometimes carried around by Papa. From my vantage point I felt that I was on top of the world, even though we were not moving much faster than the people on foot were.

We came to a sudden stop and everyone lost their balance. Before we had even settled back into our seats, the driver's face popped up like in a puppet show I had seen once. He looked very frightened and quickly dropped the back panel of the truck, screaming that "Stukas" were coming towards us and that everyone should run and take cover.

I wanted to ask what "Stukas" were, but I was seized by Bonne-maman who followed everyone else as they jumped out and ran to the fields that were on both sides of the crowded highway. Everyone seemed to be shouting and in a great panic, and I was pushed to the ground as someone yelled: "Lie down! Lie down! Here they come!".

As I turned my face towards the road, I saw a small plane come down from the sky and get larger and larger until it looked like a monstrous ra-ta-ta-ting bird as it roared over the highway and all the cars. It went away and became small again, but it turned around and once more came shrieking by so close and so loudly that one could not hear the frightened screams of all the people lying around the fields. This time it went away and did not come back.

I could hear very close to me someone crying, and someone else sobbing loudly and speaking words that did not make any sense. They were bent over the body of a woman who had been seated across from me in the truck. There were big holes in the ground and a lot of blood splattered around her. There was also a big hole in her back. She did not move. I looked around me and I saw that the same thing had happened in many places in the fields. People had gathered in little groups, holding and hugging each other as they stared down at someone that did not move.

I had just noticed a red cow lying down not far away from us. She was dripping blood all over. Without giving me time to have a good look at it, Bonne-maman grabbed me tightly by the hand and silently, amid the wailing grownups, we made our way back to the truck. Not far from us, I saw Papa helping Maman who seemed to walk very slowly, as if she was in pain.

With a funny-looking tin hat on his head, a soldier in a khaki uniform was talking with our driver who was making big movements with his hands, pointing at us. There was a lot of shouting and arguing, and after what seemed like a long time, we were told that the truck was "requisitioned" by the army, and that we would have to continue on foot. Everything had to be taken out of it immediately

Maman was crying and said she was too weak to move. I had never seen her cry before, and it made me want to also cry, but I didn't. Papa took his bicycle out of the truck, and Maman sat down on the luggage carrier, gripping the seat with one hand and carrying some of our luggage on her lap. Holding on to the steering bar, Papa started pushing the loaded bike along the road, and we followed behind. The road was crowded with people who looked just like us, with crying children and grownups. I did not cry and I kept a serious face, just like Papa, as I held on tightly to my suitcase in one hand and to Bonne-maman with the other.

The traffic was almost at a standstill, and we were going faster than the cars. Some were on fire and, if we came too close to them, the thick black stinking smoke would make my eyes sting. It was easy for us to walk away and around them, but the few cars and trucks that were still moving had a lot of difficulty in maneuvering around the burning wrecks.

I could hear in the distance the familiar booms and whistles of bombs and cannons, and I could even see at times some airplanes circling and diving, and going up again. They looked like birds playing among little puffs of smoke. Even though we walked in their direction, they seemed far enough away so that I was not frightened. In any case, by now I was used to all the noise, the smoke, the crowds, the weeping and the bad words that grownups used freely. As long as I was with Maman, Papa, Bonne-maman, and all the other members of my family around me, I felt perfectly safe and contented.

I was beginning to be tired of walking, and I wanted someone to pick me up, but everyone was carrying so much stuff that no one offered to do so. Bon-papa diverted my attention by pointing out what looked to me like mountains. I had never seen real mountains, except in my storybooks, and I was staring at them wondering why they were so round and dotted with clumps of spiky grass, instead of being sharp and rocky as I had imagined them to be.

"These are sand dunes, not mountains," Papa explained, "and the sea is just on the other side. We'll soon be there, just a little further...."

I kept whining and complaining, and finally I was picked up and seated on the bicycle in front of Maman, which was what I had wanted all along. I was very pleased with myself, and I could now observe at leisure the long lines of people both in front and behind us, walking steadily alongside the stalled or smouldering vehicles that littered the highway as far as I could see.

As we left the main road and turned up on a street that went between the dunes, I had my first thrilling glimpse of the sea and of the wide expanses of beach. Had I not felt so tired by then, I would have done what I could to insist that we stop so that I could go running near the water.

We went on for a long time along the seashore until we arrived at a large white house with a bright red roof. There were shutters on the windows, also red, and it looked quite deserted, a bit spooky even. Papa took out a piece of paper from his pocket and read out some numbers.

"This is the place," he said, "let's look for the key."

Bonne-maman took the luggage from Maman's lap and helped her to get off the bicycle. I had already done so, glad to be able to move around for a change, and I followed Papa to help him look for the key. Maurice joined us and we had a good time searching for the lost treasure.

We could not find it anywhere, not under the door mat, or on top of the lintel as someone suggested to look, or near the back door. Finally it was Denise, the girl on whose lap I had settled when we left this morning, who found it under a large flower pot. The door was opened and Maurice and I were the first ones to rush in and to explore the "villa", as it was called by the grownups.

It was the largest house I had ever seen. There were so many rooms, and beds, and chairs, and a steep stairway led upstairs where there were more of the same. There was also a basement, but I did not feel like going down into the dark . With shutters closed on all the windows, the house itself was also fairly dark, as there was only a bit of daylight showing through the slats. But it was safe and cosy, and it almost felt like a special holiday when candles were lit in the kitchen. There were more candles in a cupboard, and pretty soon everyone was walking around with trembling lights, stashing their belongings in the rooms where they were planning to settle. Maman stayed downstairs in the living room, as she found it difficult to move around and to climb stairs. Uncle Sam took the largest bedroom for himself and aunt Alice. Maurice would also stay in their room.

I was given my own room. There was only one bed in it, and it was so much larger than my crib at home that I was a bit scared about sleeping there all by myself. But Papa reassured me when he said that I would not be alone: Denise would join me and sleep next to me.

Bonne-maman and the other women started to fuss in the kitchen, and pretty soon we all had something to eat. It was not the usual supper, but I did not mind. There were no vegetables, and I was pretty happy with the slice of bread and cheese which I received. For dessert, there were cookies and apples, and a banana which I shared with Maurice. A real picnic!

After supper, Papa and the other men went outside to see if anything could be arranged for tomorrow. They wanted to see if we could go to England, and also to look for some food. I wanted to go with them, but I was told that it was too late and too dangerous for me to go out at this time. I did not mind too much as I was getting tired, and besides, Maurice was also staying behind. We played for a while, and then, after kissing Maman good-night, I was put to bed with my teddy. Denise came to tell me a story, and pretty soon I felt my eyes closing in spite of myself.

I woke up with a bang. The booms and the ratatats were deafening. I heard an ear-piercing whistling sound getting louder and lower, and suddenly there was the loudest explosion that I had ever heard, and the house shook, and things came crashing down. There was the horrible sound of shattering glass everywhere, and more explosions all around us, and I was very frightened, but Denise held on tight to me, as if I was her teddy-bear, and told me not to worry, that all would be alright. She was shivering.

There were more of those whistling sounds dropping down from the sky. They always ended up with a big explosion, but they were now further away from the house. In bed, it felt warm and safe, and my eyes closed again and I fell asleep.

When I woke up, I was alone in the room. There was light peeking through the shutters, and I could hear people talking somewhere. I slipped to the floor from the large bed all by myself, and I went towards the voices. There were a lot of people that I had never seen before, and I was a bit shy, so I did not answer them when they asked me what my name was. Instead, I went to the room where Maman was lying down on a couch, kissed her good morning and asked who all those people were.

"We were very lucky," she answered in a soft voice, and I saw tears in her eyes, "there was a big bombardment last night and many houses on the street were destroyed. Ours barely got scratched, and the people that you see are neighbours who were not quite as lucky."

I watched her wipe some tears with her hand, and it made me feel very sad.

"I am surprised you did not hear anything," she went on, "I was sure that you would wake up and be scared, and I even asked Papa to go and have a look at you, but he said that you were fast asleep."

"Where is Papa? And Bonne-maman? And all the others?"

"The men are still trying to find the safest place to go on from here, and Bonne-maman and the others are out looking for food."

"I'm hungry."

''I know, dear, but you'll have to be patient, they'll be back soon. In fact, I think I hear them coming in now."

All the women walked into the house holding up their aprons which were filled with thick rectangular biscuits. "That's all we could find," said Bonne-maman. "They are rather hard, but if we soften them in some water, you should be able to eat them..." and she handed me one of the biscuits. I tried biting into it, but all I could do was to nibble at a corner without too much success.

"Wait," said Bonne-maman, "let me boil some water, I don't want you to break a tooth..." She filled the kettle and put it on the gas stove.

"Where did you find them?" asked Maman.

"There were crates full of them on the beach," answered Bonne-maman. "The British abandoned them when they got back to their ships." In a sadder voice she added that she was afraid that we would not make it either.

I was given a bowl with hot water, and I learned to dunk my biscuit in it just long enough so as to soften it, but not too long or else it disintegrated and became all mushed up in the bottom of the bowl. I liked eating biscuits for breakfast. Maurice came to sit next to me and as usual he made me laugh. He looked so disgusting when he pushed through his teeth lumps of the partly chewed biscuit pap. Normally he would have been told to stop doing that, but the grownups were all so busy that we could do pretty well as we pleased. After breakfast I was allowed to go outside with Maurice, but we had to promise not to leave the backyard.

It was sunny, and we could hear in the distance some cannons and some bombing, but otherwise it was very quiet except for the people everywhere who were talking or crying, as they sifted through the remains of the houses.

These looked like the constructions which I used to make with my wooden blocks, with no roof or floors and lots of holes in the uneven walls. There was a lot of dust and smoke which made my eyes tear. I did not stay out very long, and neither did Maurice. We went back inside. I took some colouring pencils out of my suitcase, and we started to draw some pictures.

I was busy drawing a big red cow when Papa came into the room and said that the Germans were not far away and would be here soon. All the grownups looked very frightened, and did not seem to know what to do. Uncle Sam came down with his suitcases and informed everyone that his family would push on towards France. He had found a car that would take them there, but there was not enough room for all of us. Aunt Alice kissed everyone good-bye tearfully, and I watched with some envy as Maurice and his parents got into a black automobile and drove off quickly, waving their handkerchiefs until they disappeared around the corner of the street.

I went back to my drawing. Lots of strangers came in and out of our house, and I listened to them talking to each other.

"...good thing we were all in the basement, or we wouldn't be here I can tell you...."

"...it just crumpled like a house of cards...."

"...they would only take on soldiers or men of military age, it looks like we are stuck here until they come back, if they come back...."

"...you should have seen all the stuff they left on the beach...."

"...they were so young, what a tragedy. None of them managed to get out before it collapsed over them...."

"...my sister phoned to say that they had occupied the city. They were apparently quite civilized and behaved very correctly; I don't think we have to worry too much about them, they are only interested in the British...."

"...heard on the radio that the king had ordered to surrender in order to save any further bloodshed...."

Everyone became suddenly quiet and started to listen to a rumbling sound in the distance that was getting quickly nearer. I heard motorcycles and trucks approaching and race by at full speed outside our front door. I got up from the floor where I had been drawing and went to the window to peek out through the shutters. The grownups did the same and everyone watched in silence and with some trepidation the armed men in gray uniforms zoom by in their impressive machines. Their helmets were very different from the ones I had seen so far on the soldiers.

I got tired of watching after a while, and I went back to my drawing. Everyone else kept staring at the vehicles go by and spoke in hushed tones. They smoked a lot of cigarettes.

In the afternoon, after my nap, people started to go outside. It seemed very quiet and I did not hear any longer the sound of shooting or bombing. Papa came in and said that the fighting seemed to be over, and that no one was allowed to travel south without a permit. "Looks like Sam made it just in time. As for us, we might as well start thinking about going back. It seems that the trains will be running again pretty soon, but we have to somehow get to the station in Ostend."

"I have no strength," said Maman weeping, "I can barely walk to the other room, let alone Ostend."

"We'll think of something," answered Papa looking grim.

He sat down and smoked a cigarette while staring at nothing that I could see. When he was finished with his cigarette and had ground the butt into an ashtray, he got up and went down to the basement with a candle. I heard him move around and it sounded as if he was looking for something. When he came up, he was carrying some tools and he looked very pleased with himself. As he started to walk towards the door, he asked me if I wanted to help. I was delighted and instantly dropped my pencils where they were on the floor to follow him outside.

In the back of the house there were a few wooden crates and a bunch of old planks. He gathered some of these and started hammering and sawing and nailing until he had put together what looked like a large box. I helped him by handing him the tools that he needed. He then went to get his bicycle and, to my great dismay, he started taking it apart with some pliers and a screwdriver.

"Why are you breaking up your bicycle?" I asked, not quite believing what I was seeing.

"You'll see," he said. "You have to learn to use your imagination when you have to survive."

After what seemed like a very long time, when all the pieces of the bicycle lay on the ground, I saw what he was doing. He had taken the wheels and fitted them on each side of the box that he had built. We now had a a large cart to which he added some legs and a handle.

It was almost dark by the time he was finished. We both stood back admiring his work, but it was not until the next morning that I really understood why he had built it.

After a supper that was once more consisted of mushed up biscuit and water, plus a slice of bread and a tomato which Bonne-maman had brought back from her scrounging, I was put to bed and fell asleep before the end of the story which Denise had started to tell me.

There was no bombing that night, and I woke up early, before anyone else. I stayed in bed until I heard some voices in the kitchen, and then I got up and went to join the grownups .

After breakfast, everyone started to pack. Papa brought the cart to the front of the house and started by putting a mattress in the bottom of it. Then Bonne-maman and Papa helped Maman to get onto it. Once she was settled comfortably with some cushions under her head, she was surrounded with our luggage. Finally, I climbed in and I thought it was great fun to be pushed along the street, sitting next to Maman. Everyone else was walking behind us, and when Papa got tired of pushing us, someone would take his place for awhile.

Once we got to the highway, we found ourselves joining a long column of people, like before, but everyone was now going in the opposite direction. I guess that, just like us, they were going back to their houses and all the things they had left behind. There was no more shooting, but we had to get off the highway a few times to let trucks go by. They were filled with German soldiers in grey uniforms.

We travelled a whole day. I became very cranky, and Bonne-maman said it was because of all the excitement. Maman said that it was because I was tired and had not had a decent meal for many days. Papa got angry with me and I ended up having a good cry before going to sleep. I woke up in the middle of the night because I was cold. I did not know where we were, and I was surprised to see all the people sleeping on the side of the road. I cuddled up to Maman and stared at the sky and all the stars, until I fell asleep once more.

In the morning, we started to walk again, and I walked alongside every one else until I got tired and asked to be put back in the cart. We stopped at a caf� and everyone cheered up once we were served some buns and croissants with jam.

We started walking again and we arrived in the city of Ostend where there were large crowds of people all wanting to get on the train. We waited a long time and spent another night sleeping outside--camping, said Papa--and the next day we were able to get on a train. It was not easy because there were so many people who all wanted to get on, all pushing and shouting. Somehow we made it, but I was sad that we had to leave the cart behind, although I quickly forgot about it once the train started to move.

I was seated near the window, totally fascinated by the speed at which we were moving. Fields and houses came and went before you could have a good look at them. The closer things were, the faster they went by, like the telephone poles and the wires that held them together. Those wires seemed to move up and down, up and down, at the same time as the clipety clap that the wheels made on the tracks.

"We are getting closer," said Papa as the train started to slow down. I was sorry that the train ride was almost over, but at the same time I was looking forward to getting back to my own room and to my toy animals.

As we got closer to the station, I saw many more tracks on which there were a lot of idle wagons. I could also see the red-tiled rooftops of houses and look down into the backyards where clothes of many colours were drying in the wind.

I heard whistles and it got darker as the train pulled into the station. Everyone got up and took their suitcases, and it was only then that I realized that I had left my own suitcase behind on the cart. I cried and cried and I wanted to go back and get it, but there was nothing to be done. Papa tried to console me by pointing out that everyone had left something behind, and he promised to buy me a new one. But it just would not be the same. It would not be my suitcase, or my teddy.

I was still snivelling, but we had to go on, and with everyone trying to help Maman, no one paid too much attention to me. Denise helped me to get off the train, and as we were slowly following the crowds towards the exit, she took my hand and I stayed pretty close to her. She pointed out the locomotive as we got close to it, and I felt quite subdued when I found myself walking near that enormous steam-breathing dragon. It was attached to a wagon full of coal, and way up in the cabin I saw a man digging into it with a shovel. Frighteningly close to me were gigantic wheels held together by an immense steel arm. Even Papa looked like a puny dwarf next to that monstrous locomotive.

There were strange smells in the station, and it echoed with sounds that were reverberating all around us, as if we were in some mysterious cave. The glass and steel building was the largest I had ever been in. I looked far up above me at the ceiling, and I became dizzy. The sheer size of this place, as well as the curious odours, the peculiar resonance and the masses of people made me feel very uneasy and afraid, and I held on tightly to Denise until we got outside.

Once we were out, we waited a long time for a taxi. We did not live very far from the station and I wanted to go home right away, but Maman could not walk very well, so we waited and waited until at last a car stopped. Papa talked to the driver, and then we got into the car and said goodbye to the other people who had come with us to the seashore. Everyone wished everyone good luck, and then we were off. I sat in the front on Papa's lap, and Bonne-maman and Bon-papa sat in the back with Maman.

We were home in no time at all, and as soon as Papa had unlocked the door, I raced into the apartment to check if everything was alright. I was glad to see my crib which looked suddenly very small to me, after the bed I had slept in a few nights ago. I was happy that Papa had taped all that paper on the windowpanes, because no bombs came into the house and all my animals were safe. I wondered what would happen to the lion and the giraffe which had stayed behind in Ostend. And to my teddy. Would someone take them in and give them a good home? I sure hoped so, as I was missing them very badly and I was sure that they missed me too.

After everyone was settled for the night, Papa came to the crib with his banjo and sang me a few songs until I felt my eyes closing.

Next morning, I was awakened by strange voices in the bedroom next door. I climbed out of my crib and went to find out what was going on. I saw two men with a stretcher carry Maman out of the apartment. There was a lot of blood on the bed, and I was so frightened that I could not say anything. I just started to cry. Papa picked me up and told me that Maman was very sick and had to be taken to the hospital until she got better. He said I would have to go and live with Bonne-maman and Bon-papa for awhile, until Maman came back to the house, because there would be no one to take care of me when he went to work during the day. I told him that I did not care, that I wanted to stay with him and wait for Maman to return. He said that it was not possible, that it might be a long time, but he promised to come and visit me every week-end in Charleroi.

Bonne-maman came back from the hospital that afternoon and she looked very sad. She had tears in her eyes, and she kissed me and hugged me for a long time until I began to feel uncomfortable and I squirmed away to go back to my toys. That evening, she packed my clothes and my toys in a big suitcase, and next morning, after a big kiss and hug for Papa, we went once again to the station to get onto a train. This time our destination was Charleroi. That was where Bonne-maman lived.

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Chapter Two: Age Five, July 1940-June 1941